Fleas!
by Jabberwocky92
Summary: What happens when Remus's daughter is scratching? Using my OC Anne from my story Secrets. Rated for a few adult things that are said.
1. Chapter 1

**I got this idea from my best friend, whose dog had fleas when I last went over to his house and we both freaked out that we had fleas. So enjoy!**

**By the way, one day I will be able to make another made up as well as Anne. LOL**

"Anne what are you doing?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrow at his eldest daughter.

"Nothing…" Anne mumbled, before going back to scratching behind her ear with her fingers and pulling a face.

"You're scratching!"

"Really?"

"Anne!"

"Ok, so I'm itchy, leave me alone!" Anne snapped, glaring at her father and quickly putting her hands in her lap.

"Oh dear god no…" Remus mumbled, staring at his daughter and raising an eyebrow. He had seen Sirius scratch like that before, and it always meant something bad! No matter where Sirius was scratching! "Anne come here…" He said softly, trying not to freak Anne out, which was easy to do when she was hiding something.

Anne snarled loudly at her father, backing away from the couch and looking around the room to try and find an exit away from him.

"Anne. Come here!" Remus stated again, his voice getting a little louder in anger.

"No!" Anne yelled, scrambling past him and catching him off guard enough to knock him away and run up the stairs and lock herself in her room.

"What's wrong, get herself pregnant?" Sirius asked, walking in to the room and grinning.

"No, it's worse!" Remus growled, glaring at Sirius.

"How can anything be worse then her getting pregnant?" Sirius asked, staring at Remus like he was on some mind altering drugs. "Does that girl look like mothering material to you? I mean, do you want your grandkid named Tinkle or something weird like that? And don't even get me started on her cooking and house keeping skills!" To prove his point, Sirius picked up one of Anne's socks that were just discarded on the ground.

"She was scratching…" Remus stated, wondering how long it would take Sirius to think of something dirty.

"She has herpes? Cause that is a bitch of a thing to get! I mean… Wait… YOU DON'T THINK I GAVE THEM TO HER, DO YOU?"

Remus shook his head, trying to ignore the overwhelming urge to thwack his head against the wall until his brain was in a pile of mush enough for Sirius to be able to converse with him. Or maybe he should just get a friend whose mind could leave the gutter for more then three seconds.

"I think she has fleas, Sirius." Remus stated, pinching the bridge of his nose to stop himself from getting a headache.

"Oh…" Sirius said, putting his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. "Well… I don't know anything about that!" trying to sound innocent and failing. "I'm just gonna go to my… Bedroom… To read… Yes… To read…" He added, quickly trying to walk past Remus.

"Oh no you don't, Sirius! Show me your arms!"

"Why, wanna see my muscles?"

Remus groaned and grabbed Sirius's arm, before groaning louder and glaring at Sirius. "You gave my daughter fleas!" He nearly yelled, gripping on to Sirius's arm.

"How do you know she didn't give them to me?" Sirius argued, trying to pull his arm away.

"Where the hell did you even get fleas?"

"Under the house probably… I don't know!"

"GO DOWN THE BLOODY STREET AND BUY SOME FLEA POWDER!" Remus roared, shoving Sirius to the door. "NOW!"

"Oh no… Not a flea bath!" Sirius begged, trying to use his best puppy dog eyes.

"Yes a flea bath! And you can go explain to my daughter why she is so itchy and needs to take a bath in smelly stuff!"

"But she'll kill me!"

"Exactly!" Remus said, opening the door and pushing Sirius out on to the front step. "And remember, one more time, and I swear I will put a flea collar on you again!"

"I am not a dog!"

"So why do you have fleas?"

"Fuck you!" Sirius mumbled, walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

**I might do a second one of this with Sirius trying to explain to Anne how she got fleas. But I don't know. LOL**


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius groaned as he stood outside Anne's door, true to his word, Remus was making him tell Anne that she had fleas. At the moment if anyone saw Sirius they would honestly die from laughter, he was wearing shin guards, a cup, elbow and knee caps and a helmet, not to mention some old chain mail he found in the basement.

But anyone who knew Anne, still wouldn't think that it was enough.

He chewed on his lower lip and stared at the door as if it was going to turn in to a giant hammer and squish him like a cockroach. Oh dear god if only he could be so damn lucky! He looked down the corridor and saw Remus and Hermione standing at the end of it smirking at him.

They were going to die!

"Erm... Anne..." He called, timidly tapping on the door. "May I have a word with you...?"

"If its burning when you pee, it's bad, go see a doctor!" Anne yelled back, making Sirius flinch and Remus and Hermione roar in silent laughter. "I mean seriously Sirius, you keep picking up skanks and burning is gonna be the least of your troubles!" She added, opening the door and staring at him.

"What the hell are you wearing? Did you think that my eyes didn't burn enough with your velvet vest?" She asked, leaning against the door frame.

"You're in a lovely mood..." Sirius remarked, watching her scratch behind her ear. "Have you been itchy lately?"

"Yeah, so what? It's probably just a skin infection... The werewolf gene will get rid of it." She shrugged her shoulders but Sirius could tell that she was uncomfortable with the topic.

"Well um... I got this bottle of stuff down the street... It's muggle... Meant to help with all skin conditions..." Sirius held up the bottle of flea shampoo which he had charmed to look like a top of the line body wash. "I thought you might like it..." He added, only just understanding how sleazy he sounded giving a teenager body shampoo.

"A...ha..." Anne said, taking the bottle and looking at it. "Well then, thank you Sirius, for once you did something sweet." She gave him a smile and shut the door, leaving a very relieved Sirius, who quickly and happily strutted up to Remus and Hermione.

"Problem solved and she never had to know what happened." Sirius stated, looking like he had won the first prize in the lottery.

"Oh aye, and how are we going to get rid of yours?" Remus asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "When she has the only bottle of flea powder..."

"I'll just buy myself some more, as long as our little angel isn't hurting any more." Sirius beamed once more at Remus and Hermione before making his way back to his room.

"He doesn't really believe she is that stupid, does he?" Hermione asked, staring up at Remus.

"Sadly I think he does..." Remus sighed and racked his hands through his hair.

"God save him when she finds out..."

~!~

Anne was thankful that she had put a silence charm on her bathroom when she had taken a shower, for when she started to wash, little black creatures came off her skin.

"What the hell are you?" She asked, staring down at the strange and foreign thing on her body, before quickly washing them all off and drying herself. She quickly hurried to her room and found a book on muggle bugs and parasites, finding what she was looking for she gasped.

"Fleas... I had fleas?" She slammed the book shut and quickly got dressed and dried her hair. She was going to sort Sirius out once and for all!

She quickly hurried back in to her bathroom and grabbed the bottle of 'body wash' and then made her way down to the kitchen, where she knew that Sirius had a date over for lunch.

"Ah, Sirius, there you are." She said, smiling happily at him. "I remember what you told me the other day and I went down the street and got you this..." She put the bottle down in front of him. "The doctor said if you use it twice daily the itching and pus should go away. He also says that you should come in to see him to make sure it isn't something more serious or contagious." She flashed Sirius's date a warm smile before quickly leaving the room.

She was rewarded a few minutes later with the sound of the front door slamming and Sirius cursing loudly. She knew that he would retaliate, and maybe she should be the bigger person and stop it.

But as she listened to Sirius stomp around the kitchen, she knew in her heart, this would go on for a long time.

**Ok, so heaps of people were asking me for a second part, and here it is. :D I really hope you enjoy it.**


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